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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26968708">The hard way back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariana_El/pseuds/Ariana'>Ariana (Ariana_El)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coping, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Struggling, post-Thangorodrim, relearnig how to fight, whumptober2020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:35:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26968708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariana_El/pseuds/Ariana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Picking a sword again proves to be hard. A post-Thangorodrim ficlet with Maedhros dealing with his shadows.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maedhros | Maitimo &amp; Maglor | Makalaurë</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The hard way back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompts filled:</p><p>No 11. PSYCH 101<br/>Defiance | Struggling | Crying</p><p>No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO<br/>Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia</p><p>No 30. NOW WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?<br/>Wound Reveal | Ignoring an Injury | Internal Organ Injury</p><p>This ficlet takes place a few months after Reconciliation, so not even a year has passed since Maedhros was rescued by Fingon. There is no need to know my other stories.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>The hard way back</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Relearning how to write or dress himself was hard enough, but Maedhros had been doing that for the past few months and by now could handle most of the daily chores without perpetually having to ask someone for assistance. The sword, however, was a new challenge and one far more taxing. Sitting by the mirror, finally back within the walls of his room, Maedhros found himself too weary for even the simplest tasks. For a while he simply sat and rested before looking up at his own reflection. Despite the still chilly spring days, he was covered in sweat and dust and his hair was all tangled, having escaped the clasp, a gift from Curufin. Maedhros reached to unfasten it, but the silver clasp slipped from his shaking fingers and fell. Muttering a curse, he leaned to pick it and failed to notice that Maglor went in.</p><p>"Allow me," His brother came behind him and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He reached out for the comb laying on the desk.</p><p>"I can manage," Maedhros hissed at his brother and snatched the comb away. Feeling that the tightness of his armbrace was becoming unbearable, he fumbled with the straps. He had already taken off the buckler he had had attached there, but his stump was still aching all over. As was his shoulder.</p><p>"I know you can."</p><p>Busy with the bracing, Maedhros failed to notice when Maglor came closer and placed his hand on his shoulder. He didn't jerk away only because he could still see him in the mirror. Nevertheless, his muscles tensed.</p><p>"But you don't always have to," Maglor added softly and leaned over his brother's shoulder to reach his forearm. "It's been a few long days." He swiftly unfastened the clasps and picked up the abandoned comb.</p><p>Maedhros made no move. He was bone-weary and as much as he hated it, his right arm still could not bear carrying any weight and even that small shield had proven to be too much. Pushing aside the too familiar shame and frustration, he leaned back and watched Maglor's reflection combing his hair. He could do it, but now he had to admit he was grateful he didn't have to lift his arm even for such simple task. His joints seemed swollen and his, his <em>sword</em> arm ached from the endless strain he had been putting on it for the past few days, ever since he had asked Celegorm to train with him. As the winter was slowly withdrawing and their camp was no longer covered with snow, Maedhros decided he was ready to start learning again how to fight. He had given himself a few months, but, as he had told his brothers, he would not be able to rebuilt his muscles by sitting idly alone.</p><p>He didn’t realise he was trying to massage his left elbow with his stump until Maglor stopped combing him and frowned. "What's wrong with your arm?"</p><p>Maedhros arched an eyebrow and looked up. "Apart from the obvious?" he raised elbow his and let the sleeve slip from the stump. Looking at the pink scarring, he flinched and shook arm to cover it back. At times he still could not look at it.</p><p>"No, I meant the other."</p><p>“Nothing.” Maedhros went utterly still.</p><p>“Nelyo-“</p><p>“I said it’s nothing!” Maedhros snapped. He sneaked out from under his brother’s arm and jumped to his feet. Backing away from Maglor, he stumbled on the chair and lost balance and would have fallen, had his brother not steadied him.</p><p>And he would not-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“...-Maitimo. Russandol.”<br/>
Maedhros found himself kneeling, his hand clutched on the chair leg. His ears were ringing and the echo of the shadows lurking in his mind was still fresh. Maglor was crouched a few feet away, watching him carefully, waiting. When their eyes locked, he offered him a kind smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Maedhros looked away.</p><p>Maglor shook his head. “Don’t be. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He stood up and came closer. “But please know that you don’t have to hide from any of us. You are not there anymore," Maglor said softly and reached out his hand.</p><p>Maedhros accepted his help to get up and sank back on the chair. "I know, Kano. Yet sometimes I am not sure," he sighed and shook his head. He hated it when he was weary or uncomfortable and with his growing restlessness, the smallest things could set him off. He knew it pained his brothers to see him like that and tried to hide as best he could. Which sadly was not enough, at least not with Maglor around.</p><p>“May I see your arm?” His brother asked after a while.</p><p>This time Maedhros only nodded and let his brother roll up the sleeve above his elbow to reveal dark bruises and a swollen joint. “I told you it is nothing. Just a few attacks I could not block,” he shrugged, his frustration growing again. He might have been wielding the sword with his left hand, but his body remembered it having a shield and more than once had he lifted it out of habit when he couldn’t have parried a blow, too late for Celegorm to react.</p><p>Maglor hissed angrily upon seeing the bruises. “Which fool did this?”</p><p>“That would be me.” Anger washed over him again and Maedhros pulled his arm from his brother’s light grip. The last thing he needed was Maglor having a row with Celegorm when the training was all Maedhros’s idea and he was going to have it his way. He knew his brother still had the tendency to be overly protective and he tried not to hold it against him, but it could be infuriating.</p><p>“You’re pushing yourself too hard,” Maglor couldn’t hide his displeasure, but also worry.</p><p>“It’s not like I have much choice,” Maedhros shrugged and brushed his hair away from his face. Wishing this awkward conversation to end as soon as possible, he stood up. “I need a bath. And... could you bring me something for my elbow while I can still move it?”</p>
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